Bachelor Recap: Red flags, fame hunger and the crushing of Australian viewers' hearts

Credit: Channel 10

EPISODE ELEVEN

It’s the start of hometowns!

This is usually the most fun time to watch The Bachelor, as we get to meet the contestants' families and see them put the Bachelor to the test.

But the first episode of the week was just a lead-up, so no grilling just yet. After returning last week, Brooke landed a single date with Jimmy hopping around Sydney (because she needs more time with him?).

They did pilates on the Sydney Tower Eye (because who doesn’t?) and exchanged some cringy kisses with loud ‘MWAH’ sounds involved. My earholes did not enjoy.

After their pilates-on-a-building sesh, they headed to a coffee shop to learn about latte art from a latte-art-competition-winner who is really skilled at chucking some cool foamy animals on top of coffee.

Brooke loved how Jimmy wanted to involve coffee in the date because she’s from Melbourne. I could just imagine everyone in Melbourne collectively rolling their eyes, wanting Channel 10 to stop with the coffee lover stereotype.

Red flags flying high a bit too late…

Brooke did a “cheeky stalk” of the tabloid mags when she was away from the mansion… and apparently thought Jimmy got a bit too sexy and raunchy with Lily on their beach date.

She confronted him about what kind of relationship he’s looking for, and he assured her that while sexual attraction is important in a relationship, there are many other boxes to be ticked, and she apparently ticks a lot of them.

All is looking good, except Brooke admitted to the camera she wants her partner to live with her in Melbourne, and spend every night by her side. Jimmy is, in fact, a pilot. And pilots don’t tend to spend too long in one place. So I guess good luck with that, babes?

Wrinkles, pimples, all of it...

(I think this alone would deter me from ever entering The Bachelor…)

This episode’s group activity included *checks notes* … face reading?

In a genius stroke, The Bachelor producers thought “Nah, stuff a palm reading, FACE reading is where it’s at”, so they got an expert to check out the structure of everyone’s jawlines and brows.

Apparently, Jimmy has a ‘rebellious’ hairline, and may I say I’ve never heard that word used to describe someone’s hairline before. I will definitely be using it from now on.

‘Hey, your hairline is looking a tad rebellious today. Pantene or Head and Shoulders?’

Also apparently a sensitive chin means you’re a sensitive person. Um, that means I must have the most sensitive chin of all then.

As always, Holly and Jimmy got a glowing reading. Apparently, they can butt heads, but also have the ability to get through whatever life throws at them. Sounds a bit like a motivational quote on Instagram.

Cocktail party

Lily seemed to have had it up to here with Brooke’s antics, and tensions are a bit high as we reach the end of the season.

Brooke let Jimmy know she needs compromise in a relationship and does in fact need her partner to be around.

Old mate pilot doesn’t seem too impressed.

“I don’t know what epiphany Brooke’s just had.” Yikes.

We were sad to see both Ash and Lily leave the mansion after both seemed to form genuine connections with Jimmy. It’s getting cutthroat now, and we’re here for it.

EPISODE TWELVE

In an attempt to get viewership up, the episode started with a slow-motion, shirtless Jimmy running across the beach. Oh, and of course, a longing stare into the distance was also captured. Because in Bachelor tradition how can one run shirtless and not contemplate life?

Predictable Carlie and…unpredictable Jimmy?

First up was “complete package” Carlie. They may be Jimmy’s words, but I have a feeling they are everyone’s words.

The camera wasn’t off the slow-motion setting yet, so we were met with another slow-motion walk from Jimmy. But plot twist, he had a shirt on. I know, big surprise there.

First up we met Carlie’s parents. Good ol’ Rusty (Carlie’s dad) honestly just looks like a big teddy bear and I am also convinced her mum is a living angel. I’m a fan. What better in-laws could you ask for?

Overprotective brother Ryan then rocked up and if looks could kill, I’m telling you, Jimmy would never be flying another plane again. Ryan came in hotter than the face reader on last night’s episode. Side note - I really think he could have a shining career in that field.

Jimmy was clearly rattled and described Carlie as “calm, stable and PREDICTABLE”. The mum nearly choked on her drink and I am right there with her.

He later cleared it up and said he meant she is the only person he can rely on in the house. Now correct me if I am wrong but, why would he pick anyone he can’t rely on! Like surely Carlie has this whole co-pilot thing in the bag?

You and I, all the fame, runner-up Jay, and what’s his name?

Wasting no time, Jimmy was straight into a date with Jay and we are reminded of his constant concerns about her and how he has already given her the benefit of the doubt.

Eeek.

Jay’s friend was first to take Jimmy aside and she mentioned Jay dated a famous guy and was worried about her always picking “famous guys”...

Jimmy was shocked and triggered.

He then mentioned the rumours and you can tell Jay’s friend was thinking “Damn, my bad, probably shouldn’t have said that”.

But obviously not one to dwell on things too much, she threw Jay under another bus by saying she wants to be a PRESENTER!

I’m sorry, but have we finally all heard the truth?

It looks like Jay is surely getting the boot, right? Or not... because Jimmy then goes, “If she came in for fame, I hope she likes me now”! YOU ARE KIDDING ME, JIMMY.

“Genuine connection”...“Well, that’s generic”...OOFT! OUCH!

Not one to mess around, we were instantly met with Holly’s best friend Sam, who came in fierce and ready to tear Jimmy apart.

After a quick mention of being a pilot (if you are just tuning in, Jimmy is a pilot), Sam took Jimmy aside. Despite his “I have a genuine connection with Holly” statement being flagged as boring, the conversation went well.

And that’s about all.

Holly and Jimmy hugged and kissed. Jimmy walked away. Holly sat on the floor and cried. Holly chased after Jimmy. They hugged again.

La La Land

It’s the conflict of the century. ‘I’m from Melbourne’ Brooke and ‘I’m a Pilot’ Jimmy were picking up from their last conversation about how much Brooke loves Melbourne and hates Jimmy’s roster.

“Welcome to my hometown, Melbourne”.

Oh Brooke, darling. He knows it’s Melbourne, just from standing in the terrible stormy weather.

After force-feeding Jimmy some more sweets, we got to meet her very energetic family. Right off the bat, Brooke took her sister and mum aside to talk all things Jimmy. Her sister admitted Brooke lives in FAIRYLAND (And can I say, ABOUT TIME SOMEONE SAID IT).

Brooke talked about Jimmy. Then she cried. There was some more talking. Oops, there she goes again crying. Then some more talki-Oh wait, more crying.

Let’s just skip this scene.

At the dinner table, a story came up about Brooke locking her Grandmother in the backyard shed as a child. AND I AM SORRY, but why is everyone laughing? Please Jimmy, RUN!

Jimmy then mentioned how he needs someone independent and there was not one person in that household who was not choking at the thought of Brooke being independent. Her brother then took Jimmy aside and it went a little like this:

“You said Brooke is quite independent…uhh well, she is not”!

Straight-up honesty. Love it.

The night ended with Brooke’s mother longingly staring into Jimmy’s eyes saying, “You are welcome here... anytime”. I hope for her sake she knows it’s too late in the game for intruders.

“I know Brooke could make me happy, but I don’t know if I could make Brooke happy,” Jimmy sadly told the camera. Now I am not a fan of Bimmy (or Jrooke?) but that hit hard.

GIVE ME A FRICKEN REFUND ON MY PLANE TICKET

The scene was all a bit delayed as Osher was taking some extra time to fix his hair in the trailer, so it gave me some extra time to think. Jay has ruined her “benefit of the doubt” chances so she must be going home right? But then again, Brooke also gave out some red flags so it could be her?

First rose… Holly. Yep, called it.

Second rose… Carl-Oh nope, Brooke.

Third rose…At this point, I kind of tuned out because I knew it was Carlie. “Jay.”

Love is dead. Gone. Done. Dead. I’m out.

“This is your love story, this is OK,” Carlie said, sweetly.

But no honey, this is not OK. Jimmy who? We were really only still here to see Carlie’s love story.

She cried in the limousine and I was fuming, Australia was fuming and I am just about ready to say that the season is wrapped up...

...Until a preview of the next episode showed Jay mentioning she used to date the New Zealand Bachelor, and I have to laugh because SERVES YOU RIGHT JIMMY.